


Midnight's Reprieve

by Kaddi



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Roxas being a little sad, and they talk!, being alive is difficult, but hey! here's another person who finds being alive difficult!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21934063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaddi/pseuds/Kaddi
Summary: "Are you going to come in?" Vanitas finally asks. His voice is hoarse, like he hasn't spoken in a long while. Roxas suddenly realizes that he hasn't seen Vanitas around these past few days."Uh, yeah," he mumbles.---Roxas can't sleep again.
Relationships: Roxas & Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	Midnight's Reprieve

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starmelee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starmelee/gifts).



> My Christmas gift for my dear friend Fox!! You've been by my side since I got back into KH, and played a big part in getting me to write again. I'm so glad I met you! You made me feel welcome when I was completely out of my element. You're strong and kind and a joy to be around! I wish you all the best, and a warm and comfortable Christmas <3

Exhaustion settles deep in his body and drags him down. If only he could quieten his mind along with it. From across the room he can hear Xion's quiet breathing. Ever since they got back, they've shared a room. Sleeping isn't easy, for either of them. Being together makes it a bit better. At first, they clung to Sora's side like they'd collapse without him. Maybe they would have. After the war, life changed for all of them. There were no fights, no goals, no sense of purpose anymore. They spent the greater part of their lives in Sora's heart, and when they got out, they were part of one last battle. How could they return to a peaceful life, when they've never had it before? Sora was familiar, Sora was safety, Sora was home. But they knew they couldn't do that to him. Chain him down. No matter how much it pained them to be apart from him, they managed, slowly. Supported each other instead. Built themselves anew. They still can't be apart from each other for too long, least of all alone. The risk of slipping is too big. But they've made progress. He repeats that to himself. They've made progress.

However little he sees of it right now. He lies awake, his head spinning with memories and déjà vu and predictions, him in the midst of it frantically searching for a way out. It's silly, but every so often he pinches himself just to remind himself he's corporeal. He could wake Xion and try to brave this together – it's always easier together. More than once he finds himself kneeling next to their bed, watching their sleeping face, his hand outstretched to shake them awake. But he can't do that to them. Sleep is as sacred for them as it is for him. So each time he returns to his own bed. He can take it. He just can't stand it. He checks his phone again. The digital clock shows him in glaring numbers that it's three in the morning. Not much later than the last time he looked. Xion grumbles in their sleep. Maybe he should go outside, try and clear his head with some exercise. His body protests against the very thought, his muscles aching from today's training, but there's little else to do than continue stewing in his thoughts. That's what Riku always does, so he shouldn't.

He's on his feet and out of the door in a matter of seconds. Too quickly for his body. He leans heavily against the wall while he waits out the vertigo. It ripples beneath his touch, the magic clashing against his Replica body. If it gives out, that'll be all the faster he can get out.  
When the spinning stops and he can see clearly again, he demonstratively pushes off the wall and continues. If he keeps walking, he will get outside eventually. Once he does, he'll just need to find a target to burn, or freeze, or flatten, or whatever his magic wants to do. It goes haywire sometimes. Result of his addled mind, or whatever. He wasn't quite listening to the first explanation and no one asked if he had.

After an involuntary trip to the kitchen, where a cup of tea was forced on him and he was only allowed to leave once he drunk it, the Tower leads him down several more hallways. By the third one, he realizes what it is trying to do. Each contains a door to a room belonging to one of his friends. Sora, the first one. He almost sprints past that door. Sora is asleep and he knows once he hesitates he won't be able to fight against the temptation to crawl into his bed and press himself against him. Sora doesn't need that. The second one leads to Ventus, the third one to Riku. He doesn't need them – they're all asleep, anyway. They all have what he doesn't and he won't take that from them.

In the end, he doesn't make it outside. After several more corridors lit only by dim magical candles, there's yet another door, but this one has light spilling out from underneath it. He stops in front of it, staring at the light. His heart won't tell him who is behind this door. Maybe this one is safe to knock... He doesn't know of anyone using a nightlight, though he wouldn't blame anyone for using one. Xion and he had for a while. Above all, he just wants to lie down and sleep, no more thoughts.

The door opens. Roxas startles, reflexively taking a step back. In the door stands Vanitas, looking at him quizzically. Dark circles line his eyes. As he stares at Vanitas, Vanitas stares back at him.

"Are you going to come in?" Vanitas finally asks. His voice is hoarse, like he hasn't spoken in a long while. Roxas suddenly realizes that he hasn't seen Vanitas around these past few days.

"Uh, yeah," he mumbles.

He slinks past Vanitas, who shuts the door softly. The light he saw comes from a small lamp by his desk. Some clutter he can't make out in the dim light is scattered around the room. He tries not to look too closely. It feels wrong, somehow, like he'd be prying, although technically Vanitas was the one who invited him in. He stands in the middle of the room, not sure what to do.

Vanitas rummages on his bed and pulls out a mangled pillow. The seams are torn in several places where stuffing peaks out and it has several dents and bumps. He presses it to Roxas's chest.

"Hold this," he says. Roxas does so.

Vanitas sits down on his bed, picking up a notebook and a mechanical pen that lay discarded on his pillow. Roxas plops down next to him, resting his chin on the pillow, and watches him. Vanitas flips to a blank page and begins drawing a circle. His movements are slow, the lines thick and hard, sure to leave imprints on the next page. Soon the lead snaps and Vanitas frowns, but he doesn't say anything, just wipes it away and continues. Many such snapped leads as well as a half-empty case of pencil leads surround them. He must be at it for a while. Lulled by the repetitive motions, his eyes almost slip closed. He feels strangely comfortable here. Vanitas gives him something else to focus on, yeah, but the room itself feels quieter. Vanitas's heart isn't laden with memories they share – their connection so faint that his presence isn't overwhelming.

The pencil snaps again.

"Why are you here?" Vanitas asks.

Roxas rubs at his eyes and yawns; Vanitas's face scrunches up as he tries to suppress a yawn of his own.

"Can't sleep," he replies.

Vanitas looks up from the paper. His gold-red eyes aren't sick with worry.

"Tell me something I don't know."

Whether Vanitas genuinely wants to know or if that was just a snarky remark, Roxas isn't sure. He decides to treat is as a question.

"My thoughts are too loud."

Vanitas hums, still looking at him.

"I've thought them through more often than I can count-" flashes of giving himself up for Sora, losing his friends, a fight under moonlight- "but they don't let me go."

He averts his eyes and draws up his knees.

"Have you really."

This one definitely isn't a question, but Roxas considers it anyway. Maybe not _through_ through. He usually stops them before they can get too far, before the pressure on his ribs crushes his ribcage. Then his mind picks another remembered nightmare. A thousand beginnings without ever an end. Whatever the end would accomplish.

"Maybe."

"Maybe isn't a yes."

Roxas sighs and looks at him again.

"I think about these things a lot," he settles on.

Without another comment, Vanitas turns back to the page, pencil clutched in his grip. After a moment he puts the notebook aside and instead picks up the snapped pencil leads.

"Does it ever stop?" Roxas asks quietly, more to himself.

"Hasn't for me," Vanitas replies. "Haven't had one moment without them."

Oh...

"It does for me, sometimes. During the day." When he's spending time with his friends and is happy.

"The light is good at oppressing things."

Vanitas tosses the leads into a trashcan.

"Yeah..." When it's light out, he doesn't want to think about these things and most of the times, he can push them back. Maybe that's why they come out in the dark.

Vanitas turns to him again.

"Want to try sleep again?"

Roxas hugs the pillow closer to his chest and closes his eyes. His heart isn't that upset anymore, though he doesn't really want to return to his room. But... he guesses he should.

"Yeah."

They get up from the bed. Vanitas shakes out his blanket, ignoring the pencil leads that fly everywhere.

"Lie down."

"Huh?"

Vanitas looks at him. "I'll keep the thoughts away. I'm not sleeping today anyway."

Roxas smiles softly. "Thank you, Vanitas."

He curls up under the unfamiliar blanket while Vanitas busies himself with something he can't see.  Their talk solved nothing, really, but he feels at peace. More than he has these past few nights. Tomorrow, he wants to return the favour. Vanitas can't be that bad unlike what some people think...

Sleep finds him easier this time.

**Author's Note:**

> when are they getting therapy
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading!! the next morning they talk about what Vanitas has been doing the past few days (a lot of screaming his throat raw) and maybe Vanitas gets to sleep and they learn how to support each other and all those nice things.


End file.
